Would You Wait for Me Read online

  Liam put a hand on his shoulder. “Damn, poor Dave. Kip, you saved us. Thanks, man. I thought I was next…”

  “I couldn’t save him, though.”

  “Not your fault.” Liam sighed. “Fuck, I can’t wait to get out of here.”

  Kip knew exactly what he meant.

  * * * *

  Shaken and distressed, Kip helped get Dave back to base. He felt sick to his stomach and when they got out of the Humvee, he retched onto the sand until he had nothing left. He dragged himself to his feet and helped lift Dave’s body onto a gurney, where they covered him with a sheet. It was too much to see his face like that, not bright and grinning but ashen and etched in pain. Guilt rose up. I should have been more alert earlier.

  They were all checked over by a medic and, feeling a bit numb, he reported to his commanding officer.

  “There’s nothing you could’ve done for Dave, Kip,” Sergeant Barry told him after he’d debriefed. “At least you got the bastard.”

  Kip simply nodded. “Yes, sir. Though it doesn’t feel that way.”

  “I know.” The sergeant’s eyes were full of understanding. “Dave was one of our best. He’ll be sorely missed.” He paused. “You saved a lot of lives today, remember that.”

  “I will, sir,” he replied woodenly.

  “Why don’t you take a break for the night, rest, maybe talk to your family?” Barry suggested.

  “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.” Kip’s eyes burned and he swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. He didn’t want to talk to his family. He wanted Lucas. Needed him. God, he’d been so close to losing it all. Losing a chance to have the life he wanted with Lucas. A home. A family someday. He felt like he was going to break down.

  His sergeant kept talking, but it all passed by him in a blur. They would probably end up going home sooner so they could attend the funeral. Dave’s grandmother had to be notified, his body sent home. Finally, Kip was dismissed so he headed to the barracks.

  He took a lukewarm shower, the blood rinsing away down the drain. He hadn’t cried since he was a child, but a tear or two mixed in with the spray and who would know? He wanted to talk to Lucas. Wanted his comforting touch and to be with him. Lucas could chase away these horrible feelings and the sight of a lifeless Dave that he saw whenever he closed his eyes for a moment. Adrenaline was wearing off, he was gonna crash hard, but he’d likely be plagued by nightmares. Still, he remembered Dave’s last words and vowed to himself to never waste another moment. He probably shouldn’t do it now, but what the hell, he couldn’t feel any worse.

  So, he waited until the communications tent was empty, then he Skyped his mom and chatted with her for a few minutes, letting the normality of her everyday life wash over him. Then she brought up him returning home and he plunged in.

  “Mom, I’m going to have Luc there. I need him there,” he said, voice suddenly hoarse.

  “That’s fine, dear.” His mom nodded on the computer screen, her words not in sync with her lips. Darn program never worked right. “You don’t need my permission to invite him.”

  “No, I know.” Kip leaned forward and rubbed the back of his neck. “Mom, I need to tell you something. I had a scare today and it made me see how stupid I’ve been, how much time I’ve wasted. Luc isn’t just a friend, he’s my boyfriend,” he said in a rush.

  “Kip, honey, I know that,” she replied with a knowing smile.

  Shock and relief coursed through him. “Wait, what?”

  “I’m your mother. You never could keep anything from me, and neither can your sister Kenna. I found out some time ago. I even saw you two boys kissing in the garage once.” She laughed then gazed at him, her green eyes filled with love. “I know why you kept it a secret, but I’m glad you told me.”

  “Yeah, but how is Dad gonna react?”

  “I don’t know. This should be a conversation you have with him in person.”

  “Yeah, and I should’ve done it sooner, but…” Kip blurted out, “I want to propose to Luc when I get home.” It felt right saying that. He hadn’t thought of it until now, but he wanted to. He needed to show Lucas how much he loved him. That they could have that future he’d talked about. He just had to go after that dream. He could’ve been killed today, going home in a coffin like Dave. It really put things in perspective. It didn’t matter to him anymore what anyone would think.

  His mom gasped. “Are you serious, Kip?”

  “I am, Mom. It’s what I want. If Dad can’t accept me, then tough. I’ve lived in fear of his opinion for too long.” He’d always felt like his dad was more of a drill sergeant than a father. And he’d barely seen him as a kid. His father had done one tour after another as he rose up in the ranks to base commander. They weren’t close, he’d joined the Army to make his dad proud and to serve his country. When his father had found out he was going to choose civilian life over furthering his military career, he’d been pissed. Add this and they might not even have a relationship. Hell, I’m done worrying. I’ll tell the old man and figure it out from there.

  “Maggie, is that Kip?” his father’s booming voice echoed over the connection. He appeared onscreen a second later. Dressed in camo pants and an olive-green shirt, his father looked as if he’d just returned from work. Hard-as-steel gray eyes peered at him through the computer screen. “You look like hell. I heard what happened, damn fine job you did today, son. Saving all those lives, I’m proud of you.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” Kip was surprised to hear such praise. It was rare. “I did what I had to. The guys were counting on me.”

  “I know you were thinking about going to school, but you could get promoted. Do a few more tours—”

  “No,” Kip said. “I’m going to study law. I don’t want this life, I haven’t in a while. I’ve done my duty and I’m ready to make some changes.”

  “You need to think about this.” His father crossed his arms. He was standing so he towered over Kip’s petite mother. “You don’t want to ruin some good opportunities.”

  Kip sighed. “I know we come from a long line of military men but it’s just not me.”

  “Brett, let’s not argue, huh?” his mother said softly. “Kip has to go in a minute.”

  “Just think on it,” his father ordered.

  “I have. I’m going to study law and I’m going to marry Lucas.”

  Brows furrowed, his father huffed. “You’re joking now.”

  “No, I’ve kept it a secret too long. I’m gay. And you can accept it or not. Same as for me going to study law. It makes no difference. I didn’t put my life on the line here so I could live in the shadows and hide just to appease you.” Kip stood then looked at his mom. “I love you, but it’s time for me to do what I want.”

  “Now wait a minute,” his father barked. “You can’t just walk away from this conversation. I think something got rattled today, you’re in shock—”

  “No, I’m not.” Kip glanced at his watch. “My time is up. If you want to talk, I’ll see you when I get back.”

  He disconnected the call and sighed again. Damn, that was rough. He doubted his dad would ever come around, but it was done now. He had finally gotten up the courage to say what he’d always wanted to. It’d felt good. He couldn’t wait to tell Lucas. Now, he just had to see if Kenna could help him get a ring then convince Lucas to show up.

  To his surprise, he saw Nate Mathers leaning against the tent. Crap. How much had he heard?

  “Well, that didn’t go well, did it?”

  “Screw off,” Kip snarled, ready to push past him if need be.

  “Hey, I just came to check on you. You took Dave’s death hard.”

  “And you suddenly care?” Kip tried to keep his anger in check. He was almost itching for a fight now. Some way to vent. It wasn’t as if he had anyone he could talk to here to get things off his chest.

  “Look, I know I come off as an ass, but he was a good guy…and you.” He shrugged. “Well, you’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”<
br />
  “If you tell anyone,” Kip warned. He calmed down a little. He had plans to make. He stormed over to Mathers, brushing by him. The smaller guy grabbed him by the arm and Kip was ready to punch him when to his complete shock, Mathers leaned up and smashed their lips together. Kip shoved him back, hating that a tiny part of him had almost given in. So long without intimacy, the shitty day, the need to feel alive. It was quite tempting to grab Mathers and see how far things would go. Better to fuck than fight. Then he thought of Lucas and it was as if he’d been doused in cold water.

  “What the actual fuck, Nate?”

  “You ever heard ‘he who protests the loudest’?” Nate ducked his head. “I’m not a big guy, I’d probably get my ass handed to me in a fight so I, uh, I make sure everyone thinks I’m straight.”

  “By being an asshole?” Kip scoffed. “Shit, everyone thinks I’m straight, but I don’t do that.”

  “I didn’t say I wasn’t an idiot.” Nate shrugged. “See, I was in boot camp and this guy, fuck, he scared me… He made it clear what he wanted, and how he was gonna get it. He even cornered me once… Anyway, I made friends with some guys, assholes really, and started rumors to get the guy to leave me alone. It worked, and after that, I dunno, I just kept up the deception and became this person I despise.”

  “That’s no way to live.” Kip shook his head. Damn, no wonder he’s such an ass. That’s some awful shit to deal with. Poor guy, I thought I had it rough. “Hiding like we do just makes us miserable.”

  “You’re telling me.” Nate sighed. “I’ve been alone all these years.”

  “That’s awful… So why make a move with me?”

  “I’ve been attracted to you since we met,” Nate confessed, toeing the ground with his boot. “I never thought I’d have a chance. Then today happened and I heard you talking to your parents and I just went for it. Sorry.”

  “I’m flattered, really.” Kip gazed at him and, for probably the first time, actually saw him. He was quite handsome. Dark brown hair, highlighted by the sun, caramel-colored eyes and a dimple in his cheek. He was lean and wiry, and he did look good in uniform. Shit, he needed to stop that train of thought. “But I’m with someone, Nate. A good guy. Hell, better than I deserve.”

  Nate glanced up. “I heard that, too. You’re really gonna leave the Army and get married?”

  “That’s the plan,” he said. “I want a chance at something good. I want to be happy. Life’s too damn short wasting it like I have.”

  “I wish I was that brave,” Nate said quietly. “You’re lucky, Kip. I’ve got no one. And no cares about me—hell, it should’ve been me instead of Dave…”

  Kip grabbed Nate by the arms and shook him gently. “Don’t say that!” He tipped Nate’s chin up so their gazes met. Damn it, he was too vulnerable right now. They both were. He didn’t want to give Nate the wrong impression, but he didn’t want him doing anything rash either. “You need a friend, you got one. Brothers in arms, right?”

  “Right,” Nate agreed, nodding slightly.

  He decided what Nate needed was some hope, maybe he could give him a little. “Figure out what you want, Nate, and go for it. Don’t let what happened today be in vain. Dave always told me you only get today. So let’s both live and make some changes, huh?”

  Nate bit his lip. “Yeah, but what if I want you?”

  “You’re just saying that.” Kip let go and stepped back to put some much-needed distance between them. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t, betray Lucas and lose his trust. “We’ve had a shitty day, we’re both lonely and on overload.”

  “I’m not hearing a reason to not come over there and kiss you.” Nate gave him a look that spoke clearly of what he wanted.

  “I have a boyfriend.”

  “He’d never know.”

  “I would.” Kip crossed his arms. “You’re tempting as hell, but I’m not a cheater so I’m gonna go now. We can talk later after we’ve both rested and calmed down.”

  Nate pouted and it was almost cute. “There’s no convincing you, is there?”

  “No, sorry.” Kip took another step back. “It would just be sex, Nate. I couldn’t give you anything you really need. And it would ruin everything for me. I’ve already got to try and convince Luc to give me another chance.”

  “Wait, you’re not together and you’re going to propose?” Nate’s eyes widened. “Did I miss something?”

  “We are, we just had a fight because I was stupid and wouldn’t tell my parents we’re together,” Kip admitted.

  “What if he doesn’t give you a chance?” Nate walked toward him. “’Cause if he doesn’t, remember I’m interested.” He squeezed Kip’s butt then darted away with a laugh. Kip growled and decided against going after him. That guy was more trouble than he’d been before. He wondered what Lucas would think if he told him that Nate was gay. He told his boyfriend everything, this wouldn’t be an exception. He wanted Lucas to know he could always trust him.

  Chapter Three

  The day before they were to fly home, Kip left Lucas a voicemail. “Hey, Luc. It’s me, you know that, which is why you aren’t answering. I had a bad day, we lost a guy. I sure wanted to hear your voice… It’s okay, though, I just wanted you to know I’ll be coming home tomorrow. I heard you, baby. I told my parents. I even told a guy here—remind me to tell you that story later. Anyway, I want you there. At the homecoming. Show up please.” He cleared his throat as a lump formed. “I’m keeping my promise and coming home to you. So, I wanna believe you’ll keep yours.” He hung up and swiped at his eyes, then he made the call to his sister. He still needed her help and didn’t have a lot of time.

  “Kip!” she said excitedly. “Damn, did you drop a bombshell. Way to warn a twin.”

  He chuckled at his sister. She was just a few minutes older than him but never let him forget it. “Sorry, Dad was being Dad and I had a day and it just came out. Or, well, I did.”

  They both laughed. “It’s all right. I’m glad you finally stood up to him. Now, maybe you can start having that life with Luc that you want.”

  “About that.” Kip launched into his plan then said when he was finished, “What do you think?”

  Kenna giggled. “I love it! I’ll get the ring today. No problem.”

  “I owe you big time.” Kip grinned. “I know you’ll pick out a good one.”

  “Of course I will. I know what you both like,” she teased.

  “You think Luc will show?”

  “He will. He loves you,” Kenna assured. “He just wanted to know that you feel the same way.”

  “And Dad?”

  “He’ll be there. He has to so he can welcome everyone home. And if he doesn’t talk to you, oh well. You know how I feel about his attitude.”

  Kip sighed. “Yeah, we never could do anything right.”

  “Nope, so do what I did. Go after your dreams and live your life. If he wants to, he’ll come around and be a part of it. If not, his loss.”

  “When did you get so smart?”

  “Right around the time I got my degree in psychology. And, of course, Tomas is a big help, too.”

  “Well, if he ever decides to pop the question, he’s got my blessing.”

  Kenna chuckled. “I’ll be sure to tell him that.”

  “Good, I gotta go. Thanks again, Kenna. Love you.”

  “Love you, too. See you soon.”

  * * * *

  On the plane, Nate sat beside him. “You okay?” Nate asked quietly.

  Kip realized he’d been squeezing the arm rest. Damn thing seemed as if it were ready to break. He let go. “Just nervous is all.”

  “About your parents?”

  “I know my mom will be there.” Kip sighed. “At least, I hope so. The colonel has to be there, of course, but I doubt he’ll have anything to say to me.”

  “Well, I hope it works out better for you than it did for me.”

  “I thought your parents didn’t know?” Kip gave him a confused look.

&nbs
p; Nate shrugged. “Why do you think I joined the army? They kicked me out the second I turned eighteen. Couldn’t,” Nate lowered his voice so only Kip could hear, “have a fag for a son.”

  Jesus. Can this guy’s story get any worse? Or is this all made up to get me to feel sorry for him? He wondered which was true. “I’m sorry, Nate.”

  “It is what it is,” Nate said as if it didn’t matter, but Kip could tell by the pained expression that it did. “I have an aunt who’s cool. She might be there when we get home. She’s the only one who doesn’t act like I don’t exist.”

  “I hope she is.” He stared down at his hands. “I’m not sure Lucas will be.”

  “What?” Nate raised his eyebrow.

  “I left him a message, he didn’t answer.”

  “What if something had happened to you? That’s ridiculous to be so mad when you went through hell yesterday.”

  Kip glared at Nate. “It’s not his fault. He didn’t know and he was probably working. He’s an animal vet. There could’ve been an emergency…”

  “Who are you trying to convince?” Nate countered.

  “You know what? Let’s not talk anymore.” Kip turned away, leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. He hadn’t slept at all last night.

  “I’m sorry, Kip,” Nate apologized. “Now you see why I don’t have any friends.”

  Kip glanced back at him. “You wanna keep me as a friend, you’d better accept right now that Lucas is my future.”

  “Okay, I can do that.” Nate nodded and gave him a slight grin. “Thanks, man, I think I just need someone to tell me when I’ve gone too far. You might be good for me—as a friend I mean,” he added hastily.

  Kip shook his head. “You’re trouble.” He knew Nate needed a friend and it would be helpful to have someone to talk to who’d been through the same hell, but if it came down to it, he’d chose Lucas.